Losing It & Getting It

(Written July 15, 2012)  Tonight was such a sweet time of worship at church.  It was beautiful.  It has been a long week and a refreshing was what I needed.  Honestly, I floated to the van where my test awaited patiently.

Approximately 32 seconds from the close of the van door, it happened.  The two kids in the back seat started fighting, another kiddo began screaming at the top of his lungs, while the 4th blessing incessantly shot a toy machine gun at the screamer. Most mommies can guess what happened. Yep, I LOST IT!!!   Ugly momma face kinda lost it.  A bona fide loss of self control.  Well, that is until my sweet husband gave me the "take a chill pill" look.  I quickly calmed down.  Mostly because of the close proximity between his eyebrows, but also because I had two thoughts in that moment.

#1  Thank God for church child care.
#2  God still loves me.

Yes, He loves me still.  He loves me just as much during the time when I was worshiping him as the time when I was turning down the worship music in the van because it was added noise.  He loves me.  He loves me when I'm weak and he loves me when I'm strong.  He would never condone my loss of self control.  But, He loves me just as much when I "lost" it as when I "got" it.

And, I love him more than ever because I felt the confidence of his unfailing love for me tonight.  He is God, my creator, and he chooses to love ME.  He even took time to speak to my heart to remind me that my kids had been away from me for 2 hours and were trying to get my attention.  Albeit, LOUDLY trying to get my attention.  Nonetheless, God's love for me challenges me to work harder to gain self control during those difficult times of life (a.k.a. van rides with 4 kids and The Wiggles).

He's my inspiration.  I long to have His character and His nature.  His love for me draws me closer to Him.  Lord, please forgive me for losing it with my family, but thank you so much for another life lesson from Your throne.

Lametations 3:22-23
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.