This morning, I ran in a "Choose Your Distance" race with a friend. Basically, you could choose the distance you wanted to run and a path was given to you, with everyone finishing at the same time and place. Choices included 1 Mile, 5K, 10K, or 10 miles. Everyone chose their race and ran it how they felt comfortable. Some ran the whole way while others walked/ran. My friend and I ran the 5K together, but even though we were there for each other, there were times that we ran at our own pace. Since this was her first 5K and my first in years, we were super proud of ourselves when we finished. We started and finished early (because we didn't know how long it would take us) and even got a chance to take a picture together before the rest of the ladies finished.
But my excitement was short lived. Something happened to me as I watched all of the other participants come in. I was so proud of each one of them, but instead of noticing the similarities we share, I started comparing myself to them. They were so fit. They were so fast. They were so knowledgeable. And, I had barely pulled myself across the finish line. I consider myself a mature, wise person and I know better, but all at once, my feeling of pride was swallowed up by my lack of confidence. It happened in a moment and it stole my joy. Then, the negative self talk started. "You will never be that fast." "Why did you even come?" "Look how far you have to go." Then, the tears started. Man, it feels like every part of this weight loss journey includes tears. It is shaping my very character.
The tears continued until I got home and took a shower. My heart was broken and I allowed the enemy to consume my mind. I sobbed and sobbed in the shower until one of my sons walked in and asked me if I was OK. It was my wake up call. I realized what I was doing so I started quoting scriptures to build up my faith. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil 4:13 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." 2 Chor 12:9 "You are the head and not the tail." Deuteronomy 28:13
What I realized as I began to think clearly (after my hubby let me cry in his shirt) is that just like the race I ran this morning, we all have our own individual race to run in this life. My journey is different than every single person in this world because it is exclusive to me. I've had incredible challenges and hurts in my life, along with many triumphs. And, if I were to talk to each one of those ladies, I would find out that each of them has a story. Each of them has experienced disappointments and defeats, and each has enjoyed success in some area.
Comparing myself to others only brings division and is destructive. It will only allow the enemy a way to take away to beauty of what God is doing in me. My weight loss path is individual. It may take longer than others and it will require that I do things differently than others. Never the less, it is mine. It is drawing me closer to my maker and is making me realize that I need him more than ever. He has loved me unconditionally through every stage of my life and my heart's desire is to make my "Daddy" proud.
"Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that easily trips us up. And, LET US RUN WITH ENDURANCE THE RACE GOD HAS SET BEFORE US." Hebrews 12:1
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