You Are Not Alone

On my way to take Judah to school this morning, I caught a glimpse of a little girl, probably 6-years-old, walking to school by herself.  I 'm aware of what time the local public school begins so I knew she was considerably late and something about the situation did not seem right.

I dropped Judah off at school and came back around and there she was anxiously strolling along in her flowy peach dress, tan boots and sandy blonde bobbed hair.  But, it was the purple Frozen backpack that drew me in.  Every step she would take, the backpack would bop up and down.  From time to time, she would look back nervously, aware of her surroundings but she just kept walking.

Since we live in a society where you cannot just stop and offer a little girl a ride to school, I decided that all I could do was make sure that she arrived to school safely.  Those little legs walked as fast as they could, but that half-mile walk must have seemed like a marathon to her.  I circled, turning around in cul-de-sacs and neighborhoods, always keeping her within eye-shot.

As she turned the corner to enter the school, I caught my last glimpse of her.  The fretful look I had observed on her face before had changed.  Her nervousness had given way to singing.  I watched her sing with her whole heart as she disappeared down the path to school.

Although relieved, I knew I needed to call the school to make sure that someone was aware of her situation.

I told them that I had watched a girl walk to school and something seemed odd.  The voice on the other end knew exactly who I was talking about and informed me that they were aware of the situation.  Her mom was very sick and could not walk her to school.  She also told me that they had people stationed inside and outside of the school watching for her arrival.

The little girl that seemed so alone was not alone at all.

Not only had God impressed on me to watch for her, but He had strategically placed people along her path to guard her and protect her as she walked to her destination.

As I drove home, the Lord reminded me that I am never alone.  Although that sweet girl was unaware of those guarding her, they knew exactly where she was and she was safe.

If you feel alone today, remember that you are seen.

You may never know those that God has asked to pray for you.  You may never see the angels sent to protect you.  And, you may never physically see God's presence hovering around you.

But you are seen.

Just like that sweet girl, may we turn the corners of life without fear or anxiety but with singing knowing that the God of all creation knows our name.

Isaiah 43:1 "But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine."

Lesson Learned

I found out a little tid-bit after a fun-filled day at the beach yesterday.  Asians boys can get a sunburn.  I guess I've known this all along but we've been blessed that none of our boys has gotten too burnt over the years.  However, yesterday's marathon beach trip proved that it is possible, and one of our little guys is hurting today.  He's been miserable and pitiful all day.

Since he has slept most of the afternoon, I asked one of his brothers to help him out a bit.  My boys alternate days unloading the dishwasher so I asked the well kid to switch days with the hurting kid.  Honestly, I expected him to be flooded with compassion and jump on the chance to bless his brother, but I was sadly disappointed.  

He quickly rejected the idea and walked away.  I was shocked that he had missed an opportunity to bless his brother. As I began to get angry, I prepared my rapid-fire speech on serving others that included such statements as "Didn't I teach you better than this?" and "Are you kidding me?"  

I was tightening my seat belt from the top of my soapbox and preparing for a lecture when God stopped me in my tracks.  

He reminded me of all the opportunities that I miss on a daily basis.  The times when I fail to extend grace to my husband or fail to show patience to my boys.  He reminded me of the times when He has asked me to bless someone, but I chose not to because I was too busy or tired.  

My heart melted for my son as I felt the love God extends to us when He sees us struggling to build our character.  It can not be easy for God to see us reject his perfect plan and fail daily.  But, as all parents know, it is a part of growing and learning.  

So, I will extend grace to him this time because God told me to.  

I will wait and pray.  Pray for God to convict his heart.  Pray for the right opportunity to talk to him about this at a later time.  I will pray for his future and the wife he will have some day. 

And, I'll thank God for the mercy He extends to us daily as we try to figure out this parenting thing.

  

Valentine's Day - Smalentine's Day

So, Valentine's Day to me is not like it is to most.  Valentine's Day is one where I wish I didn't have social media.  Let's just say that my husband, as sweet as he is, is not what I would call Romantic.  If I were to put it in hyper-spiritual terms, I would say that Romanticism is not his Spiritual Gift.  And, even when he tries really hard, he sometimes misses the mark.  I try to forget the fake flowers and crystal figures of the early years of our marriage, and the time he made me eggs on Mother's Day just like HE likes them...over easy with garlic and soy sauce.

For years, I pouted, begged, and tried to coach my sweetie into being romantic.  I even encouraged my girlfriends to drop "hints" on things that I would love to have for special days.  When it comes down to it, I felt sorry for myself.  I looked around and compared my husband to others.  And, when I did that I stole from the value of who he is.

He's Unique.

He's Amazing.

He works from home with his door open so that the boys can come to him any time they need him.

He takes the boys to school most mornings in his pajamas.

He wakes up early to read the word and pray for his family.

He unloads the dishwasher for me everyday.

He throws the football, kicks the soccer ball, and jumps on the trampoline with the boys every afternoon.

He sweeps the floor in the kitchen after we eat.

Even though he rarely washes the van, he cleans out the wrappers and trash almost daily from the inside.

He provides a comfortable lifestyle for his family.

He supports me in everything I want to do, even when it costs money.

He's a great son, brother, and leader.

I could go on and on and on....his strengths are endless.

Thanks to my precious best friend offering to babysit, we will be going on a date tonight.  I may or may not get flowers.  I may or may not get chocolate from my husband.  (I already bought some for myself so I'm OK in that area!)  I probably won't get a thoughtful gift.  But, I will get time with my beloved.

When I look at the list above, I realize that the gift he gives us is his time.  And, when I focus on that, I cannot feel sorry for myself because that gift is priceless.

Strong Momma

Yesterday, I completed my first triathlon.  The sprint to the finish line did not disappoint.  The feeling of having a medal placed around your neck as your family watched and cheered cannot be described.

It was life changing.  Life changing for me, and I pray for my boys as well.

Being a mommy triathlete isn't easy.  

Four hours after celebratory meal and nap, I was back at it.  Making dinner, lunches, and cleaning the kitchen I had ignored as I prepared for my race.  Reality.  My beautiful reality stopped for a moment to allow me to feel strong but was waiting for me to return.

Being a mommy is my reality.  It is the reason why I strive to be better.  To be strong.  To finish what I start.

Being a mommy is a blessing from the Lord.  It makes me better at what I do because those four boys are watching.  Watching how their momma handles adversity.  Watching how their momma fights to overcome.

Triathletes should all be commended. The training and dedication it takes to complete a triathlon is an incredible accomplishment for anyone.  However, there's something so special about crossing the line as a mom.

So, today, I salute you moms who choose to do something that inspires your family.  Whether it be writing, fitness, homeschooling, a business venture, or ministry.  Three cheers to you.  May your children understand one day that you did it for them.  May they rise up and call you blessed.

Because, you deserve it!

Freedom

Last Thursday was swim day for our triathlon training.  As I waited for my swim partner to arrive, I confidently slipped into an open lane at the pool, put my goggles and swim cap on, and began swimming.

It wasn't until this morning that I realized the miracle of this moment.

Just three weeks before, my first swim clinic and pushed me into a full panic attack and meltdown.  The fear that had gripped me for over 10 years reared it's ugly head as I struggled to push through. Over the last ten years, this fear has robbed me of countless opportunities.  Many times my children begged me to play with them in the far end of the pool or join them in the deep ocean waves, but my fear kept me confined to the safety of the shallows.

If you didn't know me intimately, you wouldn't have known that I was afraid.  Afraid to put my head under water.  Afraid to dive to the floor of the pool to get the toy that had sunk to the bottom. Afraid to ride the waves with my boys at the beach.  Afraid and ashamed of my fears.

I quoted scriptures, prayed, and begged for God to remove this fear from me but my deliverance didn't come instantly.  I had to walk this one out.  God has been with me every step of the way but it hasn't been easy.

I've heard that fear can be defined as False Evidence Appearing Real.  It's the absence of faith and is usually a lie.  For me, it was a lie.  My fear of water was irrational and without merit.  It was a lie of the enemy that kept me confined so that I couldn't fulfill my God-given purpose.

My heart aches for those of us who struggle with things that require us to push through, only making tiny little strides as we obediently walk out the freedom that God has promised us.  It can be so daunting and so embarrassing, especially for a Christian.  We want to look like we have it all together but we all struggle.  And, when it comes down to it, God promises that we will have troubles in this life. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33  

I love that this scripture warns us of trouble but promises triumph.

Some of us have struggles that are out in the open and some have hidden sins.  But, God loves us the same and yearns for us to face our struggles and overcome with His grace and power.  Your path to freedom may be quick and filled with supernatural miracles or God may require that you walk it out one step at a time.

I pray today that you will embrace God's hand and fight for your freedom in any area that the enemy wants to steal from you.

Rest assured, the area you struggle with today will one day be your testimony.

Confidence Is as Confidence Does

I recently saw this picture on Facebook that spoke to the very depths of my soul. It made me shout from the inside and tempted me to scream "Preach It Sister" from my couch.  This picture says everything to a person who is struggling to get healthy.

So many times, I've heard people say "Man, I bet you'll have so much more confidence when you lose some weight."  It's the tag line on all weight loss company commercials..."I've never had so much confidence in my life."  Well, I beg to differ.  I've always disagreed with this idea because I believe that confidence cannot be attained through weight loss, but rather weight loss is attained through confidence.  It takes mounds of confidence to tackle a problem head on and make a choice to become healthy in the face of insurmountable odds.

Confidence is standing on a scale at a Weight Watchers meeting in front of a perfect stranger.
Confidence is admitting that you struggle with a food addiction.
Confidence is going for a run next to a busy street no matter what size you are.
Confidence being the oldest and largest person in a room of fitness buffs that you are desperate to learn from.
Confidence is signing up for a triathlon when you are afraid of water.
Confidence is admitting to your accountability partner that you snack too much.
Confidence is being vulnerable so that you can be healed.

This is the face of confidence.  It has nothing to do with a little black dress or a smaller size.  It is the fuel that drives me.  None of these things have been easy.  I've sobbed on more than one occasion as the chubby middle school girl speaks lies like "why are you doing this?"  "you will fail again so why try?"  but I'm learning to recognize the lies and where they are coming from.  The enemy would love nothing more than to steal our purpose.

He speaks lies to condemn and pinpoint our weakness while God speaks truth.  I heard recently that God calls you a name that is opposite of your weakness so that he can call you out of your weakness.  What a gracious God we serve,  He sees our struggles but he desires for us to triumph so He calls us "strong" "overcomer" "finisher" "unafraid" "confident" and the more we hear this truth, the more we identify with it and are changed.

As I journey on, I am convicted to boldly declare the promises that God has given to me.  That I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" and "God has not given me a spirit of fear" because, when it comes down to it, my confidence comes from above and my story will be written by Him.

A Supernatural Do Over

My favorite scripture is no secret. It's the inspiration behind the name of this blog.  If I were 20-years-old and hip, it would be tattooed on my body somewhere.  Lamentations 3:22-23 "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his mercies never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."     

These are the words that echo in my head after a long day with the kids.  They are the words I cling to after I've given in to the allure of "Hot Now" sign.  It's like a supernatural do over every day, and boy do I need it.

When I think about this scripture, I get a mental picture of God filling up pots of mercy to be given out each day. I'd like to think that having 4 boys running around my house qualifies me to receive one of the bigger pots like possibly a well-worn chili pot or restaurant-sized stock pot.  The noise level alone should guarantee me an extra scoop or two of mercy, right?  I dip into my pot throughout the day and by bedtime, I feel like I have to use a rubber spatula to scrape the last bit out of my pot.  I'm spent, I'm done, but by God's great love, I was given just enough.

This morning, I woke up and did the dreaded "after-holiday-come-to-Jesus-weigh-in."  I put it off because I knew it was going to be bad.  I worked so hard last year to lose 20 pounds.  Tons and tons of control, miles and miles of running...and I knew I had messed up and let it all go in just a few short weeks.  I could feel the bloating and I knew it was bad, but didn't realize it would be SIX POUNDS bad.  SIX POUNDS, folks, SIX POUNDS.

My heart broke and the tears flowed.  My mind went back to the deserts and the lack of control I had shown, and I began to doubt myself.  In an instant, I allowed a number to define me again.  That is until my husband came to scoop me up and reminded me of this scripture.  He reminded me that today is a new day with new mercies.  Boy do I need that extra large pot of mercies today as I surrender myself to the Lord and his plan for me in this area.  Just like the children of Israel wondering in the desert eating their daily portion of manna,  I'm thankful that God gives us just enough for the day so that we must depend on Him.  Unlike the Israelites, I have more than enough to eat, but I'm desperate for Him and His mercies to tackle these challenges.

Once again, I'm encouraged by my favorite scripture.  What an amazing, hands-on Savior I serve.  Thank you, Lord, that you see me, you know my name, and you know just how much I need in today's pot of mercy.

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